Tiny steps

Well, my baby girl turned 11 months yesterday. With each month that she is older my heart breaks a little to let go of the ever needing infant that I brought home nearly a year ago. But with each day she learns something new and it never ceases to amaze me!

Like today, she woke up this morning from her nap in a great mood. She was giggling and playful and just the lovable baby girl that I fall in love with more and more everyday. Well, she decided that today she is going to give this whole walking thing a good try! I put her down on the floor next to her daddy's chair so I could fix her a bottle. She then stood up with a chestier cat grin, and took a step after me! My heart just about jumped out of my chest, both with excitement and fear!

Luckily her daddy was right there to catch her just before she fell fast first to the ground. She let out a giggle of excitement and stood back up and tried again. I sat on the floor just a few feet from her daddy and for 15 minutes we played pass the baby. She would run for me then turn around and run for daddy. Her laughter was so filled with joy that my heart felt like it was on fire with an overwhelming abundance of love.

Of course she isn't a pro at this walking thing. She struggles with keeping her legs going just as fast as her little body. Arms up in the air, look of determination plastered on her face, and giggles for days she trots around the living room from toy to toy. Taking just a few steps at a time she practices her new found freedom. And all I can think is, "didn't I just bring her home from the hospital yesterday? How did she grow up so fast?"

So, here is to the new enjoyments of life and the new adventures. My tiny one is taking tiny steps!

Too Fast!

My little baby girl is growing up way too fast! She is just days away from being 11 months already! It seems like just yesterday we were heading down to the hospital for my induction. She was a day late and I was more than ready to see what was in store for me. The first week was hard. She was eating all the time and I didn't know what I was doing as far as breastfeeding went. But once we saw the lactation nurse we were on our way and things just got fun from there on out!

I remember the first day she cooed at me! The first time she rolled over! The first time we tried real food, well baby mush! And then there is when she began to sit on her own, and crawl and say "DA-DA"! 11 months have just flown by! And now my little monkey is working on taking her first steps! I know she is just days away from running around after the dogs!

It's all gone by too fast!

Big Hugs!

This weekend was a hard one to handle! I found out that two people whom I care about are in the ICU down in Ventura. An Aunt and a second Cousin both due to health issues. In the last few years I have had a lot of trouble "believing" in anything. In a god or a higher power or what have you. And this weekend I have just felt numb and lost and want to cry but can't seem to shed a tear for the life of me. I have just basically been going through the motions of living my life.

Today I woke up from a terrible dream, one where I received the call that one or both of my loved ones passed away. The same dream that I had been fighting all night. I didn't want to get out of bed. I just wanted nothing more than to lay there in my numbness that I have been dealing with all weekend. Then my little one began to wake and I slowly came to life. As if she knew that something was wrong she greeted me with a beautiful three tooth smile.

She then reached up for me and let out the most amazing giggle. Now, keep in mind that she wakes up in a good mood 99% of the time. But today something was different. For some reason I felt like weeping. The thought that neither of these people have had the chance to meet my little blessing just brought tears to my eyes and I let out a deep sigh. Just then she looked me right in he eye as if to tell me it will all be okay. Then she gave me one of her famous "big hugs." Grunts and all. And I just fell to my knees and hugged her back. It's amazing how "big hugs" make everything okay.

An attempt!

Ok, so I thought I would jump on the band wagon and attempt this whole blogging thing?!

Yesterday I took my 10 month old daughter to her first day of daycare. I have been lucky enough to work from home since she was born, but a chance to bring in a little more money brought me back to the office four hours one day a week. I know to all you working mothers out there I sound like a huge baby! I really do admire your strength to do whatever it takes to provide happy and loving homes to your children. But for me this four hours every Thursday was heartbreaking! I packed her up in the car and began to cry before I even left the driveway! I dried my tears and took her into the daycare, which thank goodness is run by a good friend of mine. I put on my brave face and then my little one clung to me as I tried to put her down. I fought back the tears! I talked to my friend for a few minutes trying to reassure myself that it was only going to be a few hours. I stood up to leave and had to run out the door so that no one would see me cry!

The whole way to work I cried my eyes out. Lucky for me I had given myself enough time to get to work and dry my eyes so that no one would see me being a blubbering mommy! I kept busy and avoided any talk about the first day of daycare. And before I knew it, it was time to clock out and go pick up my Monkey!

She had just woken up from a nap and was a little on the dazed side. Once she realized it was me she gave me one of her famous "big hugs" where she wraps her arms around me tight and grunts a little while squeezing me as hard as her little arms will squeeze! I felt like a proud momma just then. And then for the sitter to tell me that she was a well behaved little girl and she did just great made me feel like I have been doing my job as a mother very well!

We then came home, had some lunch and took a little nap on the couch together. Her showing me how much she missed me made the tears worth while!